thevoicecalledcheesecake:

In case you still don’t understand how badly women have had it, when anaesthetic was first invented doctors weren’t allowed to give it to women who were giving birth because the church said that the pain of childbirth was God punishing women for not being men

babyintrenchcoat:

I HAVE NEW GLASSES AND HOLY SHIT I FEEL LIKE I WENT FROM 720p TO 4k WHAT THE HELL

I SEE EVERYTHING IN 3D HD NOW. IT’S WONDERFUL.

(last time i changed my glasses was like 5 years ago)

rninor:

weepingdildo:

landorus:

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

"I’ll make you moan, over"

"bend over"
"bend what? over"

— Unknown (via suspend)

(Source: thedailypozitive)

valaartogeiadoun:

daisydino:

shinys-mind-palace:

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS PICTURE FOR SO LONG

My mom just told me I was going to Hell for laughing at this

THEY SEE ME ROLLIN, THEY PRAYIN

flannelbuttphenomenon:

life hack: get a tattoo. if the people at the job interview notice it and look concerned, laugh a little and explain “it’s just temporary.”  months later if your boss asks why you lied and said it was a temporary tattoo, stare off into the distance and whisper with a tremulous voice the poor excuse for truth your subconscious has been fighting for its entire insignificant existence: “everything is temporary.”

jordosross:

nickandjades-infinitelaughter:

Me as a parent

"This is why dad left"

clientsfromhell:

Me: “What browser are you on?”

Client: “Google.”

Me: “Google Chrome?”

Client: “No, just regular Google.”

Me: “That’s the site. I want to know the browser.”

Client: “Google.”

Me: “No.”

Client: “Look, we can have this conversation forever, man. But when I hit the internet logo, Google comes up!”

Me: “Okay…What does that “internet logo” look like?

Client: “…A fiery fox, I guess. But that’s irrelevant.”

dealanexmachina:

miketysonismahomegurl:

has anyone posted this yet because this is pure gold

Thank you, Matilda.